Thursday, February 24, 2011

She'll find her way

I have this incredible woman in my life, she means well almost as much as my kids and hubs to me. I won't say who she is exactly because this is her story and she deserves to stay anonymous till she's ready to come out with it on her own. But for now I have some things I have to say about the whole situation that just can't be kept silent.

Here's the back story: this exceptional young woman meets and falls for a guy who everyone knows isn't really good enough for her, but she cares about him so we all put up with the guy because we love her.We even go as far accepting him and trying to give him a chance , even though we all have our reservations.  He's not what any of us would have asked for, for her. She had ambitions and goals, plans for her future. Him well he's content to sit around and play video games and let her take care of him and work bs odd jobs now and then to get gas and cigarette money. After awhile she finds herself pregnant, no one is thrilled but again we love her and stand behind her decision to keep the baby. The guy doesn't run off, but neither is he a grade A catch. He still isn't working a real job, he's collecting unemployment ( I won't get into how he is doing this when he didn't actually work the job he's collecting for) So during the whole pregnancy he doesn't work but she does, up until  she can no longer do her job (she was housekeeping in a hotel, cleaning with chemicals yo) but she does look for other work after leaving this job, but it's not easy finding work when your out to there preggers.

When the baby was born he still wasn't working, but finally went out and found work when unemployment benefits ran out a few months later. Can you say lazy, good for nothing. He didn't bother to look once during the time he was collecting those benefits he chose to wait until they were exhausted and hope he'd get lucky. She on the other hand began looking immediately after her six week post natal appointment with the Ob.
He did get lucky and found a decent job working afternoons, she also found work pretty quickly.Her mom watches the baby for them to help them save on the cost of a sitter. Here's one of the things that really burn mine and just about anyone who hears it's ass he works Mon-Fri on the weekend if she works you'd think he could keep his son. Nope she has to have her mom or someone else babysit so she can work because he can't handle it when the baby gets whiny. Apparently he's even said he'll just get rid of the kid if she leaves him with him. Throat punch anyone?

Most of us noticed over time she was gradually becoming more and more unhappy, I began to suspect  postpartum depression, but I also knew there was something going on at home with him. Her and I had always been super close but now getting her to confide in me was like pulling teeth. She went from telling me everything to slowly but surely shutting me and everyone else out and telling us what she thought we wanted to hear.

I began suspecting that not only did she have a case of postpartum but that the boyfriend was abusive both physically and mentally. I had no proof and she wasn't telling me anything but I've known her all her life and she just can't hide things from me. Other people had suspicions that they had come to me with, bruises they had seen that were clearly from someones hand gripping an arm to tight, marks near the neck that were not hickeys, and then of course there was her behavior. At first she defended him, and made excuses, then slowly she began to let on how unhappy she was. I began to tell her I what I thought was happening and that's when I knew I was right when I told her I thought he was abusive she didn't even try to deny it this time.

The other shoe finally dropped this week I don't know if she finally hit that wall or what but she remembered who I was and that she could trust me and finally opened up to me and told me whats been going on. For the last 2 years maybe a little longer. Sadly I was right about him. The good news is she says she's ready to make a stand and take her life back, she's scared but she knows he's not going to change and her and her son deserve better.  So she's making plans to start over without him, to get him out of her house and her life, figuring out how to tell the people in her life that matter and need to know whats been going on.

It's not going to be easy for her, and unfortunately she does share a child with him and if he wants to see his son and doesn't do anything to stupid  he will have that right ,she will have to continue to have him in her life but she gets to choose now how far into that life he gets. She will have the control now, because with the help of those who love her she's going to learn how to take it back.

I just pray that she sticks to her guns and does what she know she needs to do, and doesn't let him dupe her into believing he will get better and that anything will change. As a former victim of domestic violence I know all to well they talk a good game but in the end the only way that next hit will be the last is if you leave.

Baby girl if your reading this don't be mad, your story is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. I meant what I said when I told you the only one who holds any shame in this is him. Your doing the right thing by making him leave both for you and your child, what happens to him is not your concern yours and your sons safety and happiness comes first. I'm with you every step of the way, the rest of them will be too. You have a lot of people who love and care about you and no one will be disappointed in you, I promise. If one single person gives you any shit they'll have to deal with me, I don't care who they are understand. No one is going to step on you anymore I will not allow it. I love you doll, time for you to start loving yourself again because your totally worth it.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The political war on women ~It starts with healthcare, but where will it end~

I usually try to stay away from most things political. I'll be the first to admit I don't fully understand all the legal jargon, but as a woman and a mother I just can't stand back with my mouth closed any longer. Every day I read or hear something more disturbing and we females are the target of this bullshit.

For years there have been raging debates about abortion. I've personally never had one, but I do know a couple people who have. That was a choice they felt they had to make at that time in their life. It was a choice that wasn't made lightly, and it was a choice that was only theirs to make. I don't feel anyone has the right to make that choice for another, no matter what your beliefs are you don't have the right to push them on another. You don't know where someone is in their life or in their head. Yes there are women who would love to have a baby and can't, who would happily raise that one, it still comes down to it's her body and her choice. There are all kinds of arguments for pro-choice and pro-life it all comes down to individual beliefs and choices. You choose for you and I'll choose for me. That's what free will is all about.

Now we have issues like no health insurance coverage for abortion. Ok my personal opinion here is unless it's for a medical necessity, such as the health of the mother is in jeopardy, or in the case of rape or incest, that insurance should not have to cover abortion.  I'm not sure about anyone elses views on this, but that's mine. But now there are certain lawmakers trying to change the definition of rape to only force able rape.   So unless you've been beaten you will no longer be covered? Rape is rape, weather you were beaten, drugged, fought back or not. In some cases a rape victim is so afraid they don't fight because they are just to terrified or there is a weapon being held on them, what about the victim of incest? Should any of these victims be forced to carry a pregnancy full term that came from a crime committed against them because some fat, pompous bureaucrat didn't feel that what they went through was traumatic enough to be considered "rape". The wounds these women and girls suffer may not be visible to the naked eye but they are there just the same and are only going to be made that much worse by being forced to either a) carry an unwanted pregnancy full term or b) seek out a back alley abortion that they can afford that may possibly cause them further damage or even  death.

There has also been bills introduced in congress that will allow doctors and hospitals to deny abortions as health saving measures to pregnant women who could quite possible die if the pregnancy continues. So in other words if the doctor or hospital decides the life of the unborn child is more important than that of the mother oh well. Mom could quite possibly forfeit her life and there is no legal recourse because again some asshole in the government decided she wasn't that important anyway.

Congress is also trying to end all federal funding for Planned Parenthood. I know many pro-lifers would like everyone to believe that Planned Parenthood is an abortion machine. They're not. These clinics help so many low income women and teens across America. With things like birth control, cancer screenings, low cost yearly exams, pregnancy planning and care as well as adoption help and yes if you choose that route abortion choices. This one hits close to home for me. As a teen I used the resources they offered from getting my low cost yearly exams, and cheap birth control  and free condoms (which helped keep me from becoming a statistic). When I was 21 and took a home pregnancy test that came out positive it was to Planned Parenthood I first went to get my blood test and letter to help me get insurance. Not once did they try to convince me to abort my child. They loaded me up with information on how to stay healthy and resources to help me as my pregnancy progressed. They did inform me of my options, but that's what they are there for to help women and teens get all the information and health resources that they can.

I also read recently that a bill was introduced in South Dakota making it legal to kill an abortion doctor if you disagree with the abortion. To this I say WTF. So you call abortion murder, but this is ok. A woman can't choose to end the life of a group of cells growing inside her own body, but you can now choose to end the life of a living breathing fully grown human being that has a life, family, and probably children of their own that are also living breathing human beings? Seems to me there are some seriously screwed up priorities not to mention not quite right in the head people in the government of that state.

Today I read North Carolina introduced a bill to establish "choose life license plates" which will create funding for "crisis pregnancy centers" you know the ones that will blatantly lie to women about how far along they are, about how abortions are performed, and any number of other things just to keep them from making an informed choice with their own bodies. If they aren't offering funding for Planned parenthood should they really be funding these types of clincs?

I'm sure there are more I've missed here and I may have not gotten these exactly right but this is the gist of it. Basically the government is out to put women and our health back in the dark ages and once they've done that it's only a matter of time before they find ways to start taking all of our hard fought for rights away. There is a reason for seperation of church and state and this craziness going on today is it. When men get it in their heads that they know whats best for a woman and her body there is a major problem, everyone of these men need to be removed from office and someone needs to start telling them what they can and can't do for awhile. Let them see how it feels to be treated like a second class citizen.

It's time for these men to realize without women they wouldn't exist, we are just as important as them and we deserve the same rights as them. We deserve, no we demand the right to have the say over what is done with our bodies and our health because we know better than some man what is best for us. What does a man know about being pregnant? What right does anyone have to tell you or me we must go through with a pregnancy we don't want for any reason? What right does anyone have to say well the babies life is more important than the life of the mother? What right does anyone have to say my religious beliefs are more important than your health?

H.R.3. No Tax Payer Funding for abortion act

H.R 358  Protect Life ACT

H.R 217 Title X Abortion Provide prohibition act

South Dakota Moves to Legalize Killing of Abortion Providers

Choose Life license plate

So ladies educate yourselves, talk about it, tweet, blog, put it on your facebook. Write and call your state officials make your voices be heard before they find a way to silence us all. There are far more of us than them if we stick together and stand up for ourselves and our rights they won't win.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

My angel baby

Today my baby girl turns 9. It's a bittersweet day for me, like most moms. It's a joyful day because I've gotten this beautiful little person through another year healthy, happy and even better she's flourishing. But it's a little sad because she's another step farther away from that sweet chubby cherub I brought home. Another step closer to womanhood and leaving me for bigger and better things.

I know my main goal as her mother is just that, to equip her to go off into the big bad world and take it on and succeed at whatever she chooses. This I have no doubt she will one day do, what saddens me is that one day is not as far off as it use to be, she's not so little anymore everyday that passes she's closer to her destiny whatever that may be. Everyday she seems a little more wise, a little more grown up and she's not even trying it's just the natural development of a growing girl.

For now I will just enjoy every minute I have with her. This precious child of mine who came into my life and changed everything. My little angel who saved me and made me a better person than I could have ever been without her. I barely remember the days before she joined us here on earth and I don't ever, ever want to imagine a day without her. I am still amazed that this beautiful girl with a heart of pure gold, is mine. I don't know what I did to deserve such a wonderful gift in my life because that's exactly what she is a gift, an angel sent straight from heaven to love me as much as I love her.

I know as a mother it's my job to brag about my kids but with her it's so much more she really is special. She's almost abnormally well behaved and has been since the day she came home. She was a quiet happy baby, an easy toddler, and so far a wonderful student.  She's the kind of friend you want for your little girl, she's sweet, and sensitive, she is understanding, sympathetic, empathetic, loving, and fun. She rarely gets upset and when she does it's usually for a very good reason, like someone else being wronged. She is truly a joy to have around, and I've been told that by many of her friends parents so I'm not blowing smoke.

One day she will grow up and leave home, go off to college, have a career, marry some incredibly lucky man, and maybe have babies of her own.She'll probably do something really amazing because that's who she is.  But no matter what she does in this life or where she goes she will always be my angel baby.

So with tears in my eyes, love in my heart and a smile on my face I wish my angel baby a very Happy 9th Birthday. Mommy loves you with all that she is baby girl.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

9 Years ago today

I was still waiting ever so impatiently to meet my baby girl. I was large and waddled when I walked, everything ached, my ankles (well what were once my ankles) hurt and were always swollen, as were my feet, and lets not get started on my back. Today was my due date or at least my second due date I had passed the first one days ago. I knew she was coming soon but it wasn't soon enough I was miserable, not to mention I was so over waiting to meet the little hellion who had moved in and had been partying it up inside my womb for the last 9 months. (And I mean partying the girl never stopped she was always moving, and if I was driving oh sweat baby jesus, she beat on me I had internal bruising for years, may even still have it)

So while impatiently waiting as many a soon to be mama will do (maybe) I went shopping with my mom and a dear friend. I remember feeling a little off all morning but can't put my finger on anything in particular. Then came the definitive moment we were at the dollar store, I had wandered off down one of the aisles, and this horrible hot blade of pain shot straight through my girlie bits and almost toppled me to the ground. Thankfully there was a sturdy rack to hold onto and I managed to stay upright. The pain passed after a moment and I was ok, a little shaken and felt this pressing need to use the rest room (real unusual for a 9  1/2  month pregnant woman right) I found my mom and friend but didn't say anything because I thought it was one quick pain and nothing else was happening so why get excited yet. We finished our shopping and left, as we headed home I mentioned the incident in the store and the both began to laugh hysterically at me and told me in unison "your in labor" I didn't know weather to believe them and if they were right weather to laugh, or cry. Was this really it, was it time?

Turns out it was but not for quite a few hours. I went home and didn't have anymore pains for maybe 2 or 3 hours from the first. Around 4 or 5pm my water broke, but I didn't know this until much later.( I thought I was using the restroom, a lot) I made dinner for the hubs because I needed something to do, but then couldn't eat it. I was becoming more and more miserable but I knew that it was going to be awhile, at this point I didn't think my water had broke, my contractions were 10 minutes apart at least so I figured I'd ride it out at home as long as possible. No sense going to the hospital just to go through being all inspected (which is no freaking picnic) and told oh you've got awhile go on home. So I took a bath, then an hour later another bath, I tried to sleep, that didn't work so I walked, I sat, I layed, finally I took a really long shower. By then it was 1a.m and the contractions were 5 minutes apart. I figured ok nows a pretty good time to say screw it and head on over to the hospital.

When we got there I was examined and it turned out my water had been broken for quite some time. An iv was started, I was admitted and the waiting game began. I was only dialated to a 1 at 2:30 a.m by 10:30 a.m nothing had changed. Doctors deceided  to start a Pitocin drip, let the good times roll. I was on that drug for 3 hours and it was 3 hours of hell. My contractions went from every 3 minutes to every other minute and they lasted a minute to a minute and a half each time. They hurt so bad I was crying, not screaming but tears streaming down my face from pain, and I couldn't stop them, I tried. Those 3 hours were in the end pointless, I never dialeted past a 1 and they did an emergency c-section.

I was honestly 100% fine with the surgery, I've never felt robbed of a natural birth.I know many women have their perfect birth plan and that fine,but not me I didn't care one way or the other how she was born, my only goal was the end result that she was born healthy, and that she was.

Baby Girl was born 9 years ago tomorrow at 2:13 p.m weighing a healthy 8lbs 4oz. and measuring 19 inches long.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Super Mario Brothers bringing families together

I've loved Super Mario Brothers games since the first Nintendo back when I was a kid, and their world was flat and when you died it took you back to the beginning of the game. So when I found the newer versions they have out now for  the Wii, I was geeked. I wanted them not just for me (to be honest I really wanted to play those games) but to share in all that was fabulous about that evil Bowser fighting, Italian plumber Mario, his brother Luigi, Princess Peach ( you know the chick who can't seem to stop getting kidnapped), and all the crazy looking dudes that live in their world.

It started about 2 years ago when they got the Wii system & The Super Mario Wii  game along with a few other games. They played Mario here and there but they just weren't into it like I was. My daughter enjoyed playing it more than my son,  he was only 3 and little  young for it. So the girl and I would play now and then,  but it was more a game I played when no one was around. Then they saw previews for Super Mario Galaxy 2 ( I didn't even know a Super Mario Galaxy 1 existed) but that game they wanted. We waited awhile to see if they mentioned it again and they did, several times.So for Christmas this year they got Mario Galaxy 2.

This game has been a huge success with both kids and myself. The graphics are pretty amazing and the colors are great. The levels and worlds are something else. The kids and I love playing and trying to figure out what's going to happen next, or what in the world the creators were thinking when they came up with a particular part of the game.

There are a few down sides to the game though we love to play together and to be honest multilayer mode is less than spectacular. You can only play with 2 players and the player 2 part is very limited, you have very little independent movement from player 1, if player 1 dies so does player 2.  It's an ideal part for my 4 year old to play but my 9 year old wants to play with me and she want a little bigger part in the game than to be a helper star as my kids call it. 

We have worked out a solution for the most part. The girl and I take turns being Mario so we each get to be the head guy and really because the girl is way better at some things than me. Who knew my kid would be able to school me on one of my favorite games. While we take turns with Mario the boy is the helper star, and sometimes the girl will take turns with him if I'm being Mario. He doesn't like being Mario yet so we pretty much just let him keep his controller.

We don't spend all of our time in front of this game by any means but right now it's winter and we live in the state shaped like a mitten. We also just got a ton of snow, and it currently snowing again. My kids don't love snow,I totally don't love snow, so they'll play in it a couple times, but other than that were inside so if I can find something that we all enjoy doing together and were getting along, well I'm all for it. So right now I'm thanking the heavens above for the makers of Mario Galaxy 2 because it has made plenty of crappy, cold, gray days go a whole lot smoother and stopped a lot of screaming and bickering not to mention helped make some amazing family memories.

I'm not endorsing hours of video game play, but if your sitting down as a family and interacting with one another that I'm endorsing.

Disclaimer: I received no form of compensation from Nintendo (or whoever else it would be) and the opinions stated here are solely mine

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Art in an Envelope~ Teaching third graders about Chagall~

My daughter came home from school recently with a letter requesting parent volunteers for a program called Art in an envelope. I was intrigued and figured here was a good way to volunteer my time to her school. First off  I haven't had many chances to do much with her and her end of the building, it seems all my time is spent with my son in the preschool wing. Second I love art and there aren't any art classes for these kids so yay win-win. Third I plan to enroll hopefully in the spring to get started toward my teaching degree and here's a great way to introduce me to some of what I have to look forward to in my future career choice.

Today I met with the head of the program and 2 of the other volunteers and we discussed the basic curriculum, what would be expected of us, what grades each of us would be teaching, the artist and painting that we would be teaching about etc. The meeting went really well, I like the other ladies they all seem very nice and I believe we will all be able to work well together. None of us will be working with the same grades but I have no doubts that if an issue or questions arise these ladies will be there to help each other out. I'm exceptionally happy to say I got the third graders yay I get to teach my daughters class as well as the other third grade classes, which is awesome since I know many of these kids from pre-school on and I think that will help quite a bit since many of them also know and seem to have respect for me.

I know who the artist I will be teaching the kids about is Marc Chagall and the painting  we will be studying is  "I and the Village" now I need to speak with the 3 third grade teachers and set up the dates and times for the first class, and I also need to work out a basic lesson plan. That's where I'm a little worried. I want to teach them as much as I possibly can about the artist and his work but I want to make the 45 minutes to and hour they spend with me and enjoyable experience. I want them to learn and there will be some written work but it's art and I feel that hands on should be incorporated as well. So now I have some studying to do, first I need to brush up on my history of Chagall so I can teach it to them, but also his techniques so I can bring in some kind of art projects that go with that same theme.

I have to admit I'm super excited about all of this but I'm also a wee bit nervous. A room full of 8 and 9 year olds can be very critical and if I suck at this I don't want anyone making fun of my daughter for it. So here's hoping I can do a really rockin job as the Art in an envelope teacher.