Every year around this time we all sit around and make all the grand new years resolutions. I never really make them because I never ever keep them. By January 2nd at the latest I've already broken mine. So this year instead of making a resolution to quit smoking, or lose x amount of pounds, I've decided I'm going to work on just being a better me. Or really just work on being me again.
See almost 9 years ago I gave birth to this amazing little girl who calls me mommy and I got this great new job of taking care of her, then I married her dad and a few years later I gave birth to her little brother. I love this job of being a wife and mother to these beautiful crazy kids of mine, and taking care of my wonderful husband and our house and even the annoying chewing wonder that is our dog. But somewhere along the journey I started to lose me. I never intended to stop being Becky, but in the craziness that is our day to day life I guess Becky stopped being quite so important and her wants and needs started taking a back seat to everyone elses, and lately I've noticed something is not all together right. I'm not happy, I'm not unhappy with my husband or kids I love them all dearly I'm just not happy with myself. I feel less than. There's really no other way to put it.
I realized Becky needs to come back and take her rightful place back in the drivers seat. It's time she started having a little bit more attention because even though I'll always be their mom, one day they won't need me to be there holding their hands for them constantly and then what am I going to have? I need something for me.
I've decided it's time for me to go back to school, so I will go see that academic adviser and get started working toward my teaching degree. I will also start working on being healthier not so much to lose weight or quit smoking, if either of those things happen great but that's not the ultimate goal. Just being more conscious of how I eat and take care of myself is the point. I'll also make it a point to go out once in awhile with my friends for me not just for playdates with the kids. Playdates are great and I love the parents of my kids friends hell most of them are the ones I plan to go out with it's just sometimes we need to get out without the kids.
So while 2011 may be the year of Rabbit in the Chinese calendar for me it's the year of Becky. This may not be all together easy considering all the things my kids are involved in, but really the whole point is just to make a little extra effort for myself. So instead of cleaning the kitchen every night after they go to bed some nights I may just take a nice long hot bath or read a book (an adult book that doesn't include a running Gingerbread man).
I'll keep being mom and the hubs wife I'm hoping I'll just be a happier version of her because I found the Becky that got lost along the way.